OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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