i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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