just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
