who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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