Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
