it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
