whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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