I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
