how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
