there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
