She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
