it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
