My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize