I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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