walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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