Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
