ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
