Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
