I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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