I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
