so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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