God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
