What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
