When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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