I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
