Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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