well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
