3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
