yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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