I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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