the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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