shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
