this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
