Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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