Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
