Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
