but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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