i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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