I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
