So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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