maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize