...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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