if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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