Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
