Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
