I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
