Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
