We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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