How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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