I just pynch a tree in the face
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
