all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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