Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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