I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
