There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
