She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
