I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize