i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
