Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
