did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
