Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
