she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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