Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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