At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
