i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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